Getting Over The Anger

Jun 14

by Maryann DellaRocco on 14 June 2012 in , , with 3 Comments

I think I have finally gotten over the anger stage when it comes to Matthew’s autism. It has taken me 6 years to get here, but I have finally arrived. I used to be angry and hurt all the time, and it was exhausting. I just couldn’t live that way anymore, but it wasn’t that easy to simply put my anger away and be on with my life. I’ve had to do a ton of soul searching and a lot of change. That was the hardest part; making that change. I can’t exactly tell you how I did it, but it has been a conscience effort on my part to focus on making our family healthier, better and happier. I believe in God and I have to think to myself “how would God behave in this situation?” That always seems to help me pull myself back in and behave better, and to generate some peace.

I’m not sure I would be in this same place had we not started biomedical interventions and had Matthew not gotten significantly better. And he really has gotten significantly better. I think that his improvement allowed me to feel like we had a real shot at a real life as a family. Autism is so stressful. It hijacks your dreams and your everyday life and leaves you with this weird morphed thing that some of us, me included, just don’t know what to do with. I’ve had people give me the lecture that I just need to be happy for the child I have and be grateful he is alive, blah, blah, blah. But that never worked for me. I guess I’m not refined enough to get it because I wanted EVERYTHING for Matthew, not just what we had been given at that moment. I think that is why I have worked so hard to help him. I couldn’t accept that this was all. I’m so grateful for all those friends and doctors that have stepped up and helped us understand what was happening to Matthew, and to ourselves – because often we have similar illnesses.

This hasn’t been a quick fix, and of course it still isn’t completely “fixed” yet. We recently started working on bacteria, viruses and parasites, something we never looked at before. I hope this is “the” missing piece, but if it isn’t maybe it will at least bring us closer to overall health.  I guess I have just gotten to the point where helping my son is so much more important than being angry and fighting. The anger is important. You need it to fuel you, to get you started, but it can consume you and you can’t let that happen. You have to change, you have to be willing to give it all up and release yourself. And when that happens your will transcend into yet another place autism is meant to take you. Well good luck and

Stay Well.

About the Author

Maryann DellaRocco is the mother behind the blog Matthew’s Puzzle, which chronicles her journey into the world of autism and biomedical interventions. She is married and has three boys, her oldest is on the spectrum. Follow her on Twitter: @matthewspuzzle.

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  • Amanda,
    You are definitely not alone in this. There are many in our community to support you. I would recommend connecting with one of our amazing Rescue Angels from our website. You can find one that is local to where you live so that they can share resources, services and agencies that can provide support. I would also look into our Rescue Family grant program. This program provides a "jump start" to families to help treat their child's symptoms of autism using biomedical protocols. You can find more information and the application on the home page of the website as well. We wish you the best of luck in this journey, there are many options to look in to. Finding the right support is the first step.

    Posted by Generation Rescue Admin, 22/06/2012 9:55am (2 years ago)

  • I am the mother of three my youngest is 4 and recently diagnosed with ASD. I am terrified,i am doing everything on my own i have no support , not through family nor doctors every bit of help i get my son i have to fight for when i ask what can i do where do i turn isnt there more i can do to fight this autism ? I just get a looked at" like well we gave you a diagnoses what more do you want " no one in the family understands plus they live so far away . where do i turn how can i heal my child how can i get people to understand that i feel like standing up and screaming "my son has autism " i am sick of when i try to explain things to people they just stare at me like im saying my son has a bad hair cut , HELP !

    Posted by amanda tohill, 20/06/2012 7:31pm (2 years ago)

  • Maryann, you read my mind. I have written so many of the same feelings- not recognizing who you morphed into, not being willing to settle, and mostly the anger. I hope to someday come to healthier terms as you have as my little guy gets better. Keep fighting the good fight warrior mom! Tracy

    Posted by Tracy Weinstock, 15/06/2012 4:59am (2 years ago)

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